So here I have my Number 12 and 13, tried something a bit different. These are done on a wood panel that had layers of thick paint mixed with cold wax which gave all kinds of wonderful texture to paint over. The texture doesn't show in the photograph, I got lost for a half hour just now upstairs, just gazing at all the wonderful textures underneath the paint I used tonight, quite hypnotic in a way. I wasn't sure about how to approach these, just design, just colour swatches, just brushwork?? I am not an abstract artist, but it doesn't scare me in any way, I suppose I don't take the time to step outside of my normal routine because time to produce is precious. I tend to think of these as play, not really serious, yet the time I spent on them left me feeling tired as if I had worked all night. The key with working this way is to plan so's not to end up with a big mess of mud, that was what I had underneath, lost my vision in mud so I left it for another go when dry.
Alright, so maybe (I thought) I will put something in these that represents something. Number 12 was an idea that popped into my head while thinking I need to clean up the studio, a fleeting moment of all the things racing through my tired mind in a split second, posed against all the things racing through my mind that aren't important, all the things racing through my mind that are only important to me. It appears to be an interesting subject for people to tell me they see faces, and I have to admit, since I posted it, I see faces all over it as well. Perhaps those are all those racing thoughts in between the intentional ones I put in. With intention I placed two faces, a profile, a face on blurred image, perhaps all the other faces are the ones who I don't listen to, perhaps.
Number 13, okay...so after my sense of feeling somewhat satisfied with producing an abstract without it ending up in a pile of wet mud, I decided to do another one. I had the dried board loaded with tons of dry paint mixed with cold wax, do another journey into the layers of consciousness of my creative mind. Again, I decided to begin with some forms that represent something, the human figure and faces, men and women. I know, a bit trite and predictable, but I was tired and couldn't think of anything better at that moment. Well into my composition I decided it was kinda dumb, I removed luring eyes that I used to paint in high school, tried to mess it so it didn't look quite so predictable. To be quite honest, the only thing that kept me with this one was the magnificent texture I could play with with my pigments, scraping over areas with light,then dark, then pure, then grey-ed. The shapes probably would have worked if they were anything at all, didn't seem to matter what they were to me, I was just engrossed in colour and texture more than anything. The other one, Number 12, I was more in a mood, a mission to transmit my egos onto the board. The Number 13 was not a story from my tired ego, so I can't really explain it in that sense, just tried to make a good design that worked.
I am really really tired right now. I have been fighting a flu bug, had family dinners and Christmas, our daughter came for a whirlwind visit, I'm trying to paint a painting every day, the house is still fully decorated from Christmas, I am BEAT! So, needless to say, when our beloved kitty cat fell ill today, that loaded more tired on me. He's okay, okay now, but a long day it was. Why bother to take this challenge, go to bed and rest, you might say? It, in a way, is keeping me afloat through the dark days of January. I can carve through the thick paint and find beautiful moments of colour that take my breath away. Life is tiring. It is confusing trying to keep a clear mind of what I need to do because I want to, what I need to do because I am needed..and I want to, what I have to do because I have to.
Today was a good day, Porgy is resting comfortably, the lights of the decorations glow on this dark street in January, kind of happy I left them. I am blessed, I can paint for the sheer joy of it, I count all my blessings tonight, and give thanks for each and every one of them.