Saturday, March 1, 2014
The Value of Space
Been a while since I danced on my keyboard in blogspot dot com. I have been meaning to keep logging in to exhibit my continued works that the 30/30 Challenge inspired, but like I thought, life kind of took over again. I have been painting, but not with the pressure I had on myself through January and February, a bit more relaxed. I also took a time out to clean up a bit. Actually, come to think of it, the clean up was inspired by my 30/30 painting challenge. During that time, I managed to uproot some old ideas that got filed under D for dust on the shelf, and that led to searching for something else, then through other boxes of photos, then other old ideas would surface, and that would lead to another train of wonderings. It's true, having an over creative imaginative mind can be a lot of work, oh brother AND sheeesh! At one point, after many many hours and days, I realized I was still looking for that one photo, yes, ONE ffffff photo I still haven't found, but I did find all those other ones I wondered about. I also did not find the little dealie thingy that screws onto my camera so I can secure it well onto my tripod, but I have put every other screw and nail in it's proper place now. Well organized in hardware, but still searching for two things, a photo and a screwy dealie thingy.
I have had some good quality self time, though, in understanding what kind of space I have to paint in. It's HUGE, and the down side of that is I can spread out well in it, as in make a bigger MESS. I truly don't know how artists do those studio tours and use their studios for business. No one sees mine. It is my sacred world, my room, my space to run with creative free abandon. There is not any place to look where there shows order and tidy, and this may well be why I get lost in there, one glance and I am off into another place in Idealand. The corners of our creative minds are always thirsty for something, no matter how dragged out and tired I am, once into My Room, I am recharged and off into another jaunt that dissolves my sense of time and reality. 6 hours can zip by faster than the speed of innernet, now that is fast. It really is a concept, this time thing I mean, it's a concept of how it effects us. When in my room, I have no concept of time, I get awakened by something that draws me back out into the real world. Something like the phone ringing, or Gerry arriving home, or my sudden awareness of thirst, or something like that.
I said to our daughter the other day that I really can't imagine what my life would be like if I didn't paint. It is an encompassing love that I am thankful for always, but too often take for granted. I know I take for granted that my husband has worked very very hard for going on 46 years so I can live in my world of ideas and imagination. I know when I hear him come home and I think to myself "Oh shit, he's home already???" that I take him for granted. I stand in this very large room that was once a bedroom made for 3 to 4 kids in this 1910 house, thinking this is a massive room that is ALL MINE!...but do I think of all the hours he has put in so that I can stand there? Well, I did this week, I took time to think about that.
To say I paint is like saying an opera singer sings. A short simple word that only covers an nth of what it means. I remember using the basement in our other house to paint in. I shoved my mess into a dark corner, used the freezer for my side table, picked lint out of the paint because the dryer was always going. I'd put my discman into my apron and wear headphones, sing along until someone told me to shut up. It was not the best set up, but I was happy anyways, I could paint. I remember not having a space to paint in, but knew I could make one if I wanted, paint in the kitchen or dining room, no one minded, in fact, everyone was happy to see me painting because Mom was happy, that's true. Yep, this little five letter word I do, paint, reflects a long life of love, compromise, learning, rejection, acceptance, self awareness, ranges of insecurities, there is a lotta stuff under the tip of that five letter word.
And I am so very thankful!