Tuesday, February 13, 2018
Heads Clean up, Tails Paint... tails it is.
There is honesty in making art. There has to be otherwise what would be the point? If we choose to cover what our own heart speaks, muffle it's sound in whatever key it sings, why bother to sing? This photo is as honest as it gets for me. The jam of clutter in the corner of the room, adjacent to an air purifier, what a contradiction that is. Careless mess and fumed paints, but a part of me that needs to feel I care about that. I don't see the clutter for the art, I only noticed it when I looked at this photo.
Anyways, I bit the bullet and took two works down to the gallery as part of this first-time-ever solo show that happens in April. This blog is not about promoting myself, and again, I wonder if that is a contradiction. What does self promotion really mean? When I paint, am I concerned only with people liking it? Or am I concerned in telling the story of what I am painting because that's part of my purpose? It's a complicated profession being an artist. We don't do it for salary. Although, when a sale happens, it is beyond a lift of the soul from the psychological burden of confusions that happen. That is the utmost best compliment of all.
I feel torn into pieces right now. Tired beyond defining words. My soul is weary from worry over being so silly to worry about what I need not worry about, I love to paint. When I am sitting with my brush in hand, following the tender sound of the brush on fresh canvas, my heart dances with quiet infatuation. I have so much to say, and it filters out in bits and pieces intuitively orchestrated within that delicate sound. Fresh paint, luscious new paint over dried paint, it all sounds and feels right. Sure, there are those frustrating times when the finish line keeps getting moved from my decided reach, but the joys always make me keep on with it. I feel guilty for painting when I know I should clean up, that photo reminded me of that.
Guilty. I think I better get back to it, I don't feel like cleaning up, going to go be guilty some more.