I am sitting here still in my pyjamas reflecting on past months. Sunshine fills the room through thick white dusty glass, must clean those one day. I plan on gardening today. I plan on doing a lot of things today and wonder if any those things will get done. Still trying to recover from the post exhibition drop, otherwise known as PED, it's real, I feel it. I chuckle to myself at all those advisors during my paintbrush in overdrive stint, that when the show is over, I can celebrate. Celebration usually come out of a feeling of intense joy and feeling free, energy hard to bridle. For some reason I am wanting quiet and calm, time to restore the energies, both physical and creative. I have paper shredded, old canvas slashed, deleted my hand to numbness while sitting here at the computer. All of these acts bring back times I had forgotten. It's good to do this in my PED phase, easy for me to click and delete and slash and shred. Freeing in so many ways.
Some images of paintings I did over the past years show me I do paint from how I am inspired at that time. They aren't all the same. I would be lying if I said I am not influenced by others. I'd say the internet has caused me more confusion than actual inspiration, or maybe those are equal in strength. Putting together enough artwork to say I am an artist who is worth featuring tends to tear one from the freedom thinking. We/I get into a mode of a series and stick in that gear. I have to think galleries want to represent artists who show a continual production of one style that speaks that artist's true individuality. But we all want to feel like we are growing. We are all thirsty weeds wanting to flourish into the showy plant that gets the water, and not the culling.
During my focused painting stint over those 4-5 months I did get somewhat stressed. A long time artist friend said to me.. " isn't it to bad you can't paint for fun now, that's the trouble with being in a gallery, not fun anymore, it's work. " It's a good thing I was too busy and cranky to respond to that comment at that time, it did make me think, tho. Had this really happened? Was I no longer painting for fun? What was that person actually saying? Yes, good thing I didn't have time to respond.
There is no doubt I have spent a lot of hours doing social painting. Serious painting is when we go to our own space and just do it. Social painting is painting with others. I could add some lyrics to that song Girl Talk with some social painting experience. Both of these activities are wonderful. We are social creatures who thrive on absorbing the energies of others. I don't think serious painting is not fun, it's just serious, big difference. Of course, common sense tells me that those who like to go out into the woods and field to paint alla plein air should work in groups. This is why I don't do that, I have to be by myself to paint, and I'm scared of setting up by myself in the woods all alone. Not for the risk of what might happen to me, I'd just hate to have my supplies stolen, especially the cadmiums and cobalt blue, they cost a fortune. Oh, I know, not often do we hear of an artist who gets robbed of their sable brushes and cadmium paints while plein air painting, but that's probably because they are working in groups.
So what do I paint now? Probably the same of what I have painted before. Now that the month of May has arrived in Victoria there is a super charged feel of colour and aroma in the air. It inspires me to garden, why not take my tools to the studio on that ever continuing garden inspiration. Doesn't really matter what the inspiration of subject may be, it's all the same principles. Colour and light composed to tell a story of a mood in that time. Time is what makes me paint. And I must say, time to think about it for a bit is nice. Culling and deleting and shredding has been healthy for my mind, I feel lighter.
I wonder what I will paint now. This is what inspires me.